Home on Deranged
by Bloody Simpson Chibi
Summary: What happens when Leatherface wanders too far from home? Hilarity ensures! Horrible, horrible hilarity. Rated T. ONESHOT!


**Home on Deranged**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own The Texas Chainsaw Massacre**

Leatherface was really in for it now. Not only did he let his victim get away again, but he was so caught up in chasing her that he forgot which way he came from. Distraught, Leatherface threw one of his chainsaw fits, waving the power tool in the air like a madman.

After he calmed down, Leatherface tried to think. Drayton had told him and Chop Top what to do in case they ever got lost when they were little. If only Leatherface could remember what Drayton said. Then it hit him like a brick

"Boy, if you ever get yourself lost, go to the side of the road, lift your right thumb up and wait for someone to give you a ride. It's called hitchhiking."

Leatherface smiled at knowing what to do. He walked to the side of the road and lifted his right thumb. A few minutes passed, no cars came by. The Texas heat was scorching Leatherface, his mask almost impossible to breathe through.

A Minivan drove by. In it was a family of four; a husband, his wife, and their two children. The wife took one look at Leatherface and told her husband to speed away as fast as possible.

"Cool!" One of the children, their son, said as they passed Leatherface. Leatherface lowered his head and wined in disappointment, his thumb still up.

Some more time passed. A second van, one with psychedelic colors that hurt Leatherface's eyes, drove by. At the wheel was a hippie girl with a crown of flowers on her head and no shoes. She looked at Leatherface and immediately thought he was a butcher.

 **(Well she's not wrong)**

Her next course of action was to throw red paint on Leatherface.

"Meat is murder you monster!" She shouted. Leatherface, who really didn't really appreciate having paint thrown at him, fire up his chainsaw and chased the van...for about five seconds. The heat really drained his energy. Leatherface panted for a good minute before resuming his hitchhiking.

A third car, a really really long car passed by. It stopped when the back door was in front of Leatherface. The window lowered, revealing an beautiful young women with shades on.

"My what a pathetic sight. Poor people are so pitiful. She threw some money at Leatherface and rolled the window up. The long car drove away. Leatherface was enraged again and about to chase the car when he noticed the money. Leatherface knew he could use money to buy things like food and gas for his chainsaw, which was almost out. It was definitely better than red paint. Leatherface grabbed the money and went to look for a convince store. The hitchhiking could wait.

After a while, Leatherface found a convince store. He entered and looked for his favorite treat; Beef Jerky. He found them and took two packs. The store bought Jerky never tasted nearly as good as Drayton's recipe but Leatherface didn't care. In the long run, jerky was jerky.

He also took a casket of gas and poured some of it into his chainsaw. Leatherface felt someone watching him and turned to see a teen standing in the back with his phone out. He wore a black shirt with a sad-looking green frog on it. He had a stupid grin on his face as he filmed Leatherface.

"This is gonna go great in my cringe compilation! Fatass weeaboo cosplay in a convince store."

Leatherface didn't understand what the teen was saying nor did he care. He went to the counter and paid her his supplies. The cashier looked a little freaked out but sold the items to Leatherface anyway. The phone rang in the back.

"Thank you. Come again. I gotta take that." And with that, the cashier disappeared into the back room. Leatherface felt someone come behind him and turned to see the teen again, his phone in Leatherface's...well...face.

"Smile for the camera weeb. This is going to my autistic blog!"

Leatherface didn't like the phone being shoved in his face and slapped it out of the teen's hand.

"Aww. Is someone triggered?" The teen teased.

Leatherface had enough. He fired up his chainsaw.

"Oh no! The weeaboo virgin's gonna kill with his fake chainsaw! You're so edgy! Bring me-

The chainsaw sliced through his abdomen.

"-to life?"

The teen died and Leatherface dragged his corpse outside. It wasn't the girl but at least he was bringing home dinner. The cashier came back only to find Leatherface and the teen gone. There was nothing but a giant puddle of blood in front of the counter.

"Damn periods!" She said.

Leatherface returned to the side of the road with his fresh kill and lifted his thumb up. After a few minutes, a car stop in front of him. The man behind the wheel looked respectable, the kind of man you would trust with your taxes.

"Hello sir! Need a lift?"

Leatherface threw the teen's body into the back, climbed into the passenger seat and then they were off. After a half-hour, Leatherface and the helpful stranger made it to the former's house.

"Mister, pardon my rudeness, but do you think you could help me with something before you go?" The stranger asked politely. Given that he got a free ride home from this man, Leatherface nodded.

"Thanks! I need you to use that chainsaw of your's to cut something for me." Leatherface and the stranger went to the back of the car and latter opened his trunk. Inside was a young women, bound and gagged. Leatherface gleefully cut her into pieces. The man thanked Leatherface and they shook hands. He then closed the trunk and drove away, just as Chop Top came out of the house.

"Bubba! There you are! Where the hell have you been!?"

Leatherface lifted the teen's body for Chop Top to see.

"Aww man. I was looking forward to that girl." Chop Top's frown turned into a smiled. "Oh well. Let's eat!"

 **The End**


End file.
